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The Rachel Vincent Smackdown

Rachel Vincent and I have a lot in common. We embarked on our careers at the same time, we have the same agent, and we write in the same genre. She's also extremely sweet. I don't know if I can rightfully claim the same of myself, but I'm going to anyway.

Now for the differences.

Rachel bakes, builds and decorates gingerbread houses from scratch. I buy mine at Smith's -- but the box is pretty festive.

She apparently also makes award-winning cookies - like, Academy Award winning type cookies except, yanno, for cookies - and
publicly gives out the recipe to other, more domestically challenged types, like myself. 

Well I've had enough, Miss I-Could-Even-Build-An-Igloo-From-Scratch-If-I-Felt-Like-It-While-Typing-Out-My-Next-Secret-Project-One-Handed-And-Still-Do-It-All-Faster-Than-You-Even-Though-It's-The-Best-Thing-I've-Ever-Written-And-The-Igloo-Won-An-Award-For-The-Best-Porte-Cochere-So-There Vincent.

(She really said that, too.)

So here's my favorite cookie recipe -- and it totally kicks your recipe's ass. Read it and weep, Vincent.

Best Christmas Cookies Eveh.


1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again,
to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point, it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK,
try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs,
and add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
just pry it lloose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
Who giveshz a sheet?
Check the Jose Cuervo.

Now shift the lemon juice, and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl out,

finish the Cose Juervo,
and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.


                                                            CHERRY MISTMAS


Comments

( 55 comments — Leave a comment )
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cecewriter
Dec. 10th, 2007 06:35 pm (UTC)
Substitution
Does this still work if we swap the Tekillya out for a couple bottles of Llano Sweet Red????

LOL
vpettersson
Dec. 10th, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Substitution
An improvement, IMHO. {Hic!}
Re: Substitution - cecewriter - Dec. 10th, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Substitution - vpettersson - Dec. 10th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Substitution - cecewriter - Dec. 10th, 2007 06:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
susanadrian
Dec. 10th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
OMG. I was laughing so much at this: [She's also extremely sweet. I don't know if I can rightfully claim the same of myself, but I'm going to anyway.] that I could barely even read the rest.

{sweet g}

Suze
vpettersson
Dec. 10th, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC)
{mumbled reply}
(no subject) - susanadrian - Dec. 10th, 2007 06:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
hearts_erised
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:07 pm (UTC)
hahahah Rachel is a sweetheart! But alas, not all of us are domestic goddesses (I know I'm not!!) I'm more of a buyer than baker.
guinan
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:15 pm (UTC)
LOL, somewhere I have a similar recipe for cake using rum... turns out spectacular!!!

vpettersson
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
Ah, my breathren coming out of the woodwork...{G}
(Anonymous)
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:47 pm (UTC)
Yeah, try being this one's CP. ;)

Rinda Elliott
vpettersson
Dec. 10th, 2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
Rinda...oh _you_ would know: has she earned her wings yet? {eg}

(She's going to kill me in the next book, isn't she? LOL)
(no subject) - relliott4 - Dec. 10th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
relliott4
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
Yay, got my LJ to finally work.

I was going to say that sometimes, she sends chapters for critique BEFORE she even gets the idea.

heh heh

Rinda
(Anonymous)
Dec. 10th, 2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
LOL.

Sometimes she gets paid before she delivers!
heatherharper
Dec. 10th, 2007 08:56 pm (UTC)
This wins the award for best blog post of the year. I tore a muscle in my side a few weeks ago, and now I am in pain from having laughed so hard, but it was worth it. ;)
vpettersson
Dec. 10th, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
Think her ears are itching yet? {G}

Sorry about your side!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Dec. 30th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
Dec. 10th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
Hehehe.





rkvincent
Dec. 11th, 2007 01:52 am (UTC)
Um...yes, my ears are on fire. You would pick a day when my power goes out to pick on me. ;-)

And I do think you're sweet.

Also, I must try your recipe. ;-)

Rachel
(no subject) - vpettersson - Dec. 11th, 2007 02:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
Dec. 11th, 2007 02:44 am (UTC)
hmmmm
might have to try that one....:)
(Anonymous)
Dec. 11th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
hmmm.....part two
That was me, Danne. Maybe I've already started the recipe! :) hahaha
jocelynndrake
Dec. 11th, 2007 05:00 am (UTC)
Holy crap! I've used that recipe before. I've found that it works just as well with vodka and gin and rum....

Brilliant post, Vic! Rachel is a domestic goddess. Some of us, on the other hand, have been asked by the local fire department never to use the oven again...
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:38 pm (UTC)
Mine's not even hooked up. It's just there for decoration. {g}
kenf1
Dec. 11th, 2007 05:02 am (UTC)
Vic

Now that was funny. I would have thought it would be Belvedere not Jose.

Ken
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:39 pm (UTC)
Ken,

Ah, you know me well. Personally it is Belvedere. But this wasn't actually my recipe.

Hm...perhaps a disclaimer would've been apropos.
tezmilleroz
Dec. 11th, 2007 11:30 am (UTC)
Idea: Use the tequila from the recipe to heavily spike whatever Rachel drinks when she writes. Now let's see how that affects your writing, my pretty... :-) *rubs hands together, looking evil*

We'll get you one day, Vinnie... when you least expect it ;-)

Have a lovely day! :-)
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
Can't mess with the writing, though! I like her pretty kitties too much. {G}

I could do some damage to one of those gingerbread houses, though. Especially today -- I'm _hungry_!
sora_blue
Dec. 11th, 2007 04:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you, this was exactly the kind of recepie I needed last night.

(although after the second tequila check I'd be on the floor. Possibly the first.)
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
Alas, a misspent youth doing body shots has kept me from the same fate. Pass the salt!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 12th, 2007 02:05 am (UTC)
For the potluck, perhaps?
Vic,

Hee!!!!! I'm totally taking this one to the staff potluck.

--Rose
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
Re: For the potluck, perhaps?
It's a perfect potluck recipe!
lvlocalgirl
Dec. 12th, 2007 06:08 am (UTC)
I'll take yours any day....and often do. :) Mike's the Christmas cookie baker around here and if you are lucky we;ll bring some when we visit. :) The chocolate ones may bring tears to your eyes.

see ya

stacey
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
Have I ever told you I lurveeeeee you guys?
(Anonymous)
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:14 pm (UTC)
ROFL
Too, too funny :)
terainablackwel
Dec. 12th, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAOSHIC!!! That was fantastic! And I am a baker! It was fabulous. I'm not so much for the tequila, but vodka, rum, maybe even brandy... Oh I see the possibilities! thanks so much for this!
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
You're a baker?!

And you didn't already know this recipe? {g}
(no subject) - terainablackwel - Dec. 13th, 2007 02:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - vpettersson - Dec. 13th, 2007 05:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - terainablackwel - Dec. 13th, 2007 11:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - vpettersson - Dec. 15th, 2007 04:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - terainablackwel - Dec. 16th, 2007 01:54 am (UTC) - Expand
heatherharper
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:32 pm (UTC)
vpettersson
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
LOLOL!

Pink it is!

And I made the same Wal-Mart house last year. And the year before.

This year's is from Smith's. I may have to dig around in my photo files, too...
p_sunshine
Dec. 12th, 2007 06:14 pm (UTC)
hahahahahaha
(Anonymous)
Dec. 13th, 2007 05:45 pm (UTC)
Suze told me you I had to check out your cookie recipe. I said, "Wait. What? Vic? Recipe? Are you sure?"
Now I understand.
Kreek
(Anonymous)
Dec. 16th, 2007 05:01 am (UTC)
Idetrorce
very interesting, but I don't agree with you
Idetrorce
(Anonymous)
Dec. 19th, 2007 04:07 am (UTC)
That is my kind of cooking.

Travis Erwin

www.traviserwin.blogspot.com
(Anonymous)
Dec. 19th, 2007 08:52 pm (UTC)
Things in common
I have a lot in common with Norman Mailer, too. Of course he is dead and had talent when he was not (was not dead, that is.) So the similarities are not endless. Since you are obviously very talented and even more female than you are talented, I have less in common with you, but admire your work, nonetheless.

As for cookies, I buy the stale stuff at the bakery that has been marked down. Um, yummy! Tastes great!

I think I gained three pounds just reading your recipe. At least I had to let my belt out.
(Anonymous)
Dec. 20th, 2007 03:14 am (UTC)
Hi!!
Sorry I havent been in touch, been a rough few months closing my store, opening in another one. I lost (read: kicked to the curb) my AOL account. My new one if you want it is shaynamadel@gmail.com. Miss talking to you, got some of the books you recommended, and LOVED 'em!! Hope all's well, and we can chat soon!

Bonnie from Baltimore

PS. ever get into the Koontz?
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